Cities.

Cities excite me.

And I'm not just saying that because I'm an urban planning student. 

All communities have their weak spots. As cities are collections of communities, they have larger weak spots. These are the areas we try to avoid. These are the areas we know as "the bad parts," the ghetto, etc. But these are the districts that I love the most. 

Why? Because they hold the most potential. And they need the most love.

A few weekends ago, I took a day trip to Chicago with a really random, but incredible group of friends. We decided to be cheap, and to park outside of the city proper and take the loop to Millennium Park. We picked a station on the south side. As we drove through the community of Kensington, Illinois while trying to find the train stop, I went into a state of sensory overload, accompanied by emotional chaos.

Row houses galore, with old men on the front porches overlooking their surroundings.

Countless empty parking lots, decorated by the sporadic weeds growing through the cracks in the cement.

Children playing contently on the playground in the neighborhood park.

Abandoned buildings.

The sky hazy with pollutants.

A rundown strip of local businesses.

Silence hanging in the air, disrupted only by horns honking.

A no longer used railroad right of way.

And a surprisingly beautifully constructed community church with a cross high in the sky.

Dysphoria.

Outrage.

Peace.

Guilt.

Fear.

Excitement.

Its in the opportunities in which I've been granted to see the brokenness that I am assured that I am supposed to be studying urban planning.

Its in the opportunities in which I've been granted to see the brokenness that I am assured that God can use me to reach those otherwise overlooked.

Its in the opportunities in which I've been granted to see the brokenness that I am reminded that I was once broken, and that it is Christ alone who is working on a heart renewal project within me, dramatically transforming my once empty and dying heart into one filled with his Life and love.

Don't get me wrong; I love cities for the shopping, boulevards, public art, insane gardens, architecture, cultural communities (synonymous with good food), and the business people. 

Honestly, some days all I want to do is strut around New York City in a pencil skirt, chic top, high heels, with a briefcase in one hand (Starbucks in the other), crossing crosswalks, with my hair flying in the wind.

But the second I step foot onto Michigan Avenue, I want to be back in Kensington.

Hello.

This is you when you posted your last blog:

You are a sophomore in high school. You are fifteen. You enjoy waking up at 5:45 every morning to straighten your hair because curly hair is so not cute. You exclusively wear PacSun because no one else makes so many graphic tees and sells long jeans for only $27.50 a pair. You love myspace; posting pictures every thirty seconds, writing blogs filled with inside jokes, finding the perfect skin and music for your profile, and posting comments on your best friends' walls that reference at least two inside jokes is just so much fun. You have photo shoots on the reg, though mirror shots are good, too, when you're by yourself. You love listening to punk rock and pop rock. Your do everything with your two best friends. You're in marching band, Junior Statesmen, mock trial, and if you're in the right mood, you go to youth group. You have a 3.8 GPA, and you don't even try. You are completely obsessed with Tiger Woods. You're figuring out how to create somewhat logical arguments against the parents. You want to be an architect or attorney, careers that will get you a big house in an upper-end suburban of a Midwest metropolis.

You know how to get by. You know how to get things your way. You know how to do geometry proofs, and you can conjugate preterit and imperfect verbs in Spanish. But what you don't know is this: you are empty, insecure, and trying too hard to not try at all.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm still Bithia Faye Kirubah Ratnasamy. I no longer think its cool to spell my name with an 'h' on the end.

I'm 19 years old, a sophomore at Ball State University studying Urban Planning. I like taking naps, playing wallyball, eating salads from Woodworth, listening to Jay Sean, Jon Foreman, J. Roddy Walston and the Business, and Miles Davis, drinking Chai, and shopping on nike.com. I'm involved with Cru, Hall Council, Student Planning Association, and BSU:GOP, though I'm not extremely conservative. I love spending time with friends, though my favorite conversations are those that start around 1AM and expose my deepest fears, and remind me that I am in need of the Saviour. I'm constantly living and learning from my peers, professors, parents, mentors, and God's Word. I'm not an exceptional photographer, but I love the notion of capturing a precise moment in time. I want to live in a big city. I'm trying to detach myself from Facebook. At this point, I want to actually be in the lives of those around me, and not just exist on my own.

Its been three years since I've blogged, and I'm hoping that this time I'll actually have something to say.